Turning 50 Jokes & Over 50 Jokes?

Turning 50 Jokes & Over 50 Jokes?

They say that when you’re over 50 one of the first things to go is your… now what on earth was I writing?

8 minutes later…

Turning 50 Jokes & Over 50 Jokes?

Ah that’s right, enjoy all the over 50 and turning 50 jokes below, and please contribute below if you have got any ones you think should be included.

You’re getting past it when getting lucky means you’ve won the lottery.

Warning signs you’re getting old are when you say things such as ‘In my day’ or ‘When I was a lad’.

I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do.

I’m getting to an age when I can only enjoy the last sport left. It is called hunting for my spectacles.

I’ve got everything I always had. Only it’s six inches lower.

Now I’m over 50 my doctor says I should go out and get more fresh air and exercise. I said, ‘ All right, I’ll drive with the car window open.

You know you’ve had one birthday too many when your cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

Are you going to have candles on your birthday cake? “No, it’s a birthday party, not a torchlight procession.”

You’re getting past it when you invite women to spend a moderately grubby weekend with you.

Old age is when candlelit dinners are no longer romantic because you can’t read the menu.

You’re getting past it when making love turns you into a wild animal – a sloth.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.

At 50 you get the urge, but cant remember what for.

You know your getting older when a fortune teller offers to read your face.

When you’re over 50 you can still do all the things you did when you were 17, that’s if you don’t mind making a complete prat of yourself.

From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18-35 she needs good looks, from 35-55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.

You’re getting past it when you don’t need to chase women any more – I just hook them with my walking stick.

You can only hold your stomach in for so many years.

You’re getting past it when you look forward to a dull evening in.

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14 thoughts on “Turning 50 Jokes & Over 50 Jokes?”

  1. I heard a funny one on my Peter Kay DVD – I asked the wife the other night why she never tells me when she has an orgasm, she replied I hate to phone you were you’re at work :)

    1. That made me almost choke on my drink reading that joke lol Out of interest what Peter Kay dvd does he say this in?

    1. Glad you liked them Helen :wink: If you hear about any others over the course of your dads birthday please share with us :wink:

  2. As a man turning 50 in less than 3 days now, I found these jokes very funny, a lot of the things I can actually relate to. Keep them coming.

  3. Loving these over 50 jokes :lol: This one was the best – I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself. :lol:

  4. Good jokes, here is another one I heard the other days – Look on the brighter side of being bald, at least you don’t have to wash your hair any more. :grin:

  5. very funny jokes :grin: Will put a few of these in my fathers birthday card, just what I was looking for :grin:

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